letter to a marq

i search your eyes
for direction
i'm lost in your
part of town
dark streets promise
threaten
secret alleys
thoroughfares

i commit my map of you
pencilled
coloured in
silhouttes of shades of streets
scents drift from shadows
teasing
pleasing
darkness hides my faults
faltering steps
clinging to the sides

i hover
in yellowing light
drizzle
obscures the length
the facades
the lettering's smudged
do i leap the puddle
brave the oncoming rush
drench myself in the unfortunate downpour

or you could take my hand
guide it
to its destination
i'm a fast learner
i can find my way back
again
find its marq
embrace the dark

but you prefer to watch
me
stumble
blindly kindly
trip over your lanes
bloody my nose
endure the trial
and error
the fumbling
stumbling unsophisticate
you would like me to be

don't overplay
your lure
your prize

i've a guide
booked
bought the map
to your lap
know the quickest
route
as the
time
flies

your thighs are highways unknown to me
yet i've seen those streets
sidewalked
scoped the real estate
don't try to jack
the price up now
due to
market
appraisal

you're only worth what i'm willing to pay
and i'm willing to play
for now
to pretend to woo
to lose my shoe in your gutter
to stutter and stumble
fumble and mumble my way to your house
and act all surprised
when you finally let me inside

trouble is
i been here before
tried the back door
found the key
cased the joint
so i guess my point
is

where
were
we?

and where
would you
like
me
to
go

fragment (2)

you
know
i can't sleep
can't even begin

to relax
i've taken pills
and wine
and herbal teas
to ease me into dreams

wakefulness is etched in me
every breath winds the cord
tighter still
i hear the shrill
taunts and barbs
the cars
the night itself
loud around me
deafening
the weight
the wait
for you

frustrated don't come close

you

love

you joke
you fairytale, story, utter lie
lie
through your gilded teeth, foiled
sugar-coated, saccharine
patent and false
cardboard fake
you take
you suck me in
tuck me in a cosy bed of thorns
of shreds
of glass
tore
ment

to think i believed
believe it still
doted pine
sappy moan
heavy sigh
lie awake
sweat fevered
cleaving to the sword
drawing blood
jumping to conclusion
confusion is all you bring
your gift
a bomb
shrapnel propelled
swells in my face
staining dreams and fears
cliched tears
tearing hair
hes not there

i long
to be
safe
real
realised full
true and clear
thirst quenching
glitteringly transparent
prescent
bold

the tale told right
the knight the prince
the moon wan wing'd
magic dwells
as he tells me how he feels
my head reels
and we fall

in the joke
love

lost

no map
no stars to guide me
i'm waiting
like the freezing night-lit desert
for the blaze of day
a sign
to show the way
a hint a clue
the piece that glues them
altogether

the scent blown on the breeze
brings me stories of you
who you do
i can track and sniff
find the print the mark
the spark you gave to someone else
someone good enough to give your body to
but not me

the problem is
i don't even know

if i want you
its only cos you said i could
i need your permission
to desire
to fire a heat in my loins
to sear my mind
to grill to line to pine
to wait, supine

invitations to dine
fall from my lips, hips clenched
stomach wrenched
wretchedly
waiting
for you to deign
you reign
the pack, they sniff me out
find me so easily
as if i'd try to hide
try to play
dare to stay

just give me the rules
at least
show me the start of the path
a box with few matches
patches of light
or else
i remain

lost