admit

one
only
alone
i
intone that mantra
tired
body slack with defeat
heat and sweat
the effort required just to continue
is too great
i no longer
have it in me
unsure if its used up
expressed
exhumed
exhausted
a husk, crumbling
a withered breath
a dusty claw
the last gasp
literally
i don't think you can grasp
the enormity of that fact
the tactless way i shed
skin, debris
histories, shells
leaving bombs in my wake
at least i can guarantee
an unusual undertow
a pull
deep and uncertain
that secret longing you've suppressed
that greets me just behind your eyes
but its what you'll never
admit